(Not) What we were looking for
by Sevi007
Summary: One had wanted a mother. The other had wanted his father back. Both don't get quite what they wanted. But what we want is not always what we need, and in the end, both of them find what they needed all this time in each other. (Spoilers, Smile Again AU)


" _In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future."_

 _ **\- Alex Haley**_

* * *

 _Toshinori felt trapped between fearful nervousness and happy anticipation as he rushed towards their meeting point. His school bag was bouncing with his every step, his jacket stuffed into it carelessly due to the warm weather and his exercise in form of running all the way here._

 _When he stopped at the last corner, both to catch his breath and calm his nerves, he wasn't sure anymore if his sweaty palms came from exhaustion or the dread coiling in him. One way or the other, he had to grip the single flower he was holding tighter, else he would have let it slip._

 _Oh. He hadn't lost or forgotten something in his haste, had he?_

 _Franticly, he checked if everything was where it was supposed to be._

 _The flower – check._

 _The note – check._

 _The little bit of confidence he could scrape together right now – check._

 _He was ready to go._

 _Now if only his knees wouldn't feel like jelly._

 _He really wasn't someone to overthink things. He was someone who acted on his feelings and experiences, but most of all on his gut feeling. Most of the time, he was moving before his mind could catch up with him, and somehow, it always turned out more or less alright._

 _So… why was this so much harder?_

 _It shouldn't have been, considering that this was about Nana. Then again, perhaps it was hard because of that exact fact._

 _What if she misunderstood the present? No, the note would say everything – right? But what if she felt uncomfortable with it? She already had a family, and he was just a student, right? Perhaps… possibly…_

 _Groaning, Toshinori rubbed his free hand over his face. "Okay. Okay, breathe. It's nothing big," he told himself._

 _Despite his nerves, he grinned brightly, feeling his mood lifted instantly._

 _He could do this._

 _Straightening, he adjusted his bag, took another calming breath, and rounded the corner._

 _What he saw, though, shattered his new found confidence in a matter of seconds._

 _Nana was sitting on the bench they usually meet up at, bowed forward, almost curling into herself. It was nothing he had seen from her often – Nana was strong, confident, cheery, and stood straight and tall all the time._

 _Now she looked small and fragile, almost breakable. She was clutching something in her – shivering – hands, had all but forgotten about the world around her._

 _Only when Toshinori was close enough, a bit farther away than arm's length and at a distance that she would normally have noticed him already, did he recognize his Sensei's treasure._

 _A photo, crumbled from tightly gripping hands and colors faded where too many tears had landed on it._

 _A family photo, Toshinori knew, heart sinking. Nana's family._

 _He didn't know the details, but he know about her loss, her sacrifice. He know that her husband was dead and her child had been given away in order to keep it out of all of this, to keep it safe…_

 _He should have guessed that Sensei was still devastated over all of this. It hadn't been that long, after all._

 _Something in his chest squeezed painfully as his earlier insecurities resurfaced full force. That was right – Nana had a family already. A family she loved, and had lost, and missed dearly._

 _And Toshinori was not part of that family. No matter how much he wished to be._

 _Part of him wanted to turn around and leave, pretend that he hadn't seen anything. But the other, bigger part couldn't stand to see strong, ever smiling Nana like this, so broken and withdrawn._

" _Sensei?"_

 _He could feel her jolt as he touched her shoulder carefully, could feel strong muscles jump and contract as she prepared involuntarily for an attack of any kind. She relaxed, however, when her head whipped up and she caught sight of him._

" _Toshinori!" she exclaimed far too brightly, one hand shooting up to rub over her eyes (pretending to push her bangs out of her face) while the other shoved the photo aside. "It's good to see you, my boy. How was school today?"_

" _Good, good," he assured her, giving her an exaggerated thumps-up (relishing the upwards-twitch of her lips) before he cleared his throat, "But, apart from that, ah, I… I have something for you, Sensei!"_

" _For… me?"_

" _Surprise!" When he offered her the flower, he smiled just like she had taught him – wide and beaming and apparently heartfelt, going from ear to ear. "Something to make you smile, Sensei!"_

 _Her eyes were still red, not-quite gone tears clearly visible as they widened in surprise, but he pretended not to notice. He concentrated on keeping his smile up and watching her take the flower gingerly._

 _Savored the sight of the slow, soft smile taking over her expression._

 _When she tucked the flower behind her ear without much hesitation, sitting up straight and eyes lighting up, he almost felt as if the smile on his face was real._

" _Thank you, Toshinori. It's beautiful," Nana shot him a wide smile, gaze soft and watery all the same._

 _The bright orange flower was a stark contrast against Nana's dark hair and complimenting the brightness of her smile. A gerbera daisy , the sales girl back at the shop had told him as he had asked for a suggestion, the flower meaning something like cheeriness… or was it happiness? He couldn't remember anymore, just knew that he had thought both color and meaning absolutely perfect for his mentor._

 _Toshinori smiled, ignoring how his heart squeezed and his smile strained, as Nana laughed at him. She was smiling again, and that lifted his own spirits, too. Being able to make her smile again was worth it._

 _It was enough, he told himself as she ruffled his hair and joked with him like she always did._

 _It was enough._

 _And yet, the crushed note that he had stuffed hastily into his pant pocket seemed to burn his skin, imprinting the letters right onto his body._

Happy Mother's Day, Sensei.

* * *

„Should I take a blue or a yellow one next?"

"Shhh, not too loud, you will wake him up."

Grumbling tiredly, Toshinori resurfaced from sleep just enough to become aware of the whispers around him. He still felt warm and comfortable, just the right mixture of sleepy warmth and completely relaxed.

Him waking up was meet with hasty "Shhh!"s and quiet giggles. When he didn't open his eyes and continued to doze, the giggles trailed off, peaceful quiet setting in again. Instead, warm hands found their way into his hair again, carding through the soft strands, petting gently.

Humming, Toshinori followed the motion, tipping his head to the side to lean into the nice touch while he stretched, yawning quietly.

"How are you feeling, Sensei?" he was asked, the smile in her voice telling that she knew already.

"Good," Toshinori murmured, rewarded for it with more gentle petting. "Any better and I will start purring, really."

Above him, Mina laughed happily, joined by Tooru's giggles. His heart swelled at the sound and he could no longer resist – cracking one eye open, he glanced up, wanting to enjoy the sight of their smiles.

Only to startle when something white caught his gaze.

Reaching up, Toshinori gingerly lifted one of his bangs up, inspecting what his students had gotten up to while he was asleep.

Daisies, dandelions, even a few forget-me-nots where carefully woven into his hair, mixed in with a few tiny braids the girls had plaited.

He sat up, very carefully as not to let the flowers fall out, and inspected the other side. It looked much the same.

Well. That's what one gets for falling asleep on the lawn when his students are still around.

"Do you like it?" Mina's face was full of hopeful anticipation while Tooru's hands fluttered wildly through the air next to her. "I think you look really handsome like that, Sensei!"

"I...," Toshinori searched for words, but could find none. It was something so simple… just a few flowers, a bit of braiding. A bit of kindness.

It should not have pulled the rug out from under him like that, should not have made his voice waver and his heart feel ready to burst.

Clearing his throat rather forcefully, he put on a crooked smile and tried to joke, "I must have slept rather deep if that didn't wake me up."

"Eeeh, yes, you were dead asleep!" Tooru exclaimed. "It's a miracle you didn't snore!"

That got a laugh out of the former hero and he finally let go of his hair. Instead, he opted for reaching out and pulling both girls into an embrace. "I love it. Thank you, girls."

Instantly, he was enveloped in their arms as they threw themselves at him, squeezing him tightly.

"Nothing to thank us for, Sensei!"

"It was fun!" Tooru added, squeezing him extra tight as she asked "Let's do that again sometime?"

"Whenever you want, my girl," honestly, was there any way that he could deny them anything? If so, he hadn't found it yet.

And he probably never would, Toshinori thought with affection and amusement, not with the girls cheering over his agreement and Mina pressing a sloppy kiss to his cheek before he let them go and ushered them off.

He watched them rush off, still laughing merrily as they went to join the other girls a bit further ahead. Stretching, he savored the feeling of sleepiness and peace that still lingered. He didn't feel in a rush at all, had nowhere to go. He was allowed to just be and enjoy for a moment. He hadn't even noticed how much he had missed that in the last few years.

"Sensei, watch out!"

Although a bit drowsy, Toshinori still reacted fast enough at the call, swiveling half-around just in time to see the football coming his way. Reflexes kicking in, he snatched the toy out of mid-air, grunting in surprise as the impact still managed to almost topple him backwards.

"Whooo, nice catch!" Kirishima jogged over to him, grinning sheepishly. "Sorry about that, All Might-sensei. I overdid it there."

"Think nothing about it," Toshinori tossed the ball over to the redhead, getting up to his feet and dusting himself off. Reaching over, he ruffled the laughing boy's hair, joking, "You should put that enthusiasm to good use, Kirishima my boy."

"I will!" Kirishima tucked the football under his arm and gave his teacher a thumps-up, "It's not like Bakugou will let us lose, anyway!"

As if on cue, Bakugou called out from further back, "Oi, Hair for Brain! You better didn't hit All Might with that one!"

"He _caught_ it!" Kirishima called back, sticking his tongue out at his classmate. "Geez, as if Sensei couldn't deal with a _ball!_ Anyway, Sensei, you want to join us? We can always find space for one more player!"

That caused Toshinori to laugh, more pleasantly surprised than incredulous, but he shook his head anyway. "No, my boy, I fear my stamina is not what it once was. I wouldn't be much of a help."

"Oh, okay. But it's more about the fun than the winning, really – even if some people say otherwise," laughing, Kirishima turned to run back to his classmates who were already waiting. "If you change your mind, just come over!"

"I will, certainly."

"Great! And, ah, Sensei? I _really_ dig your new hairstyle!"

Kirishima was still laughing as he ducked away from the playful swat Toshinori aimed at him, chuckling, and sent his teacher one last beaming smile before he run off.

"Got the ball back, guys!"

"Fucking finally, man."

"So impatient…"

"The sooner I win, the better."

 _Oh dear,_ Toshinori thought with less worry and more fond amusement. He sure hoped the kids had agreed on a no-quirks-allowed game, else there would be explosions and ice and what else in no time. Those children were a bit too eager and competitive for their own good sometimes.

Though, perhaps that would prove as a good practice? Well, he would think about that when it came to that. For now, he would go and grab something to drink. He felt nearly parched.

Making his way over to the dorms, waving at his students who called out for him and laughed at his new look, he aimed straight for the open door and the kitchen behind it.

The sound of a cupboard opening and closing, followed by the familiar whisper of silent steps warned Toshinori and he slowed down before rounding the corner. Just in time to not run into Aizawa who walked from the kitchen into the hallway.

Upon the sight of his colleague, the underground hero stopped walking, eyebrows almost reaching his hairline as he took the other in. "And what exactly happened to _you_ , All Might?"

Toshinori could feel his lips part in a smile that he knew was far too boyish for someone his age, but he just couldn't help it. "I look rather dashing, no?"

"You look like a flower field, you mean," it probably should have sounded dismissive, but the blow was softened greatly by the quiet smile in the tired eyes. Still, Aizawa huffed at him for his silliness as he passed him, aiming for the elevator. "If anything happens – I'm taking a nap. Don't wake me up."

Toshinori waved after the retreating man with a chuckle. For all the talk, he still knew that Aizawa would be the first one to come running should something happen.

Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, taking a few sips while he's at it, he almost hurried back out into the sun, not wanting to miss anything the kids get up to.

Once outside, he took another sip of water, gaze scanning the lawn and the football field quickly to check where everyone was and if they all were okay.

The girls were sitting together in a circle, laughing and braiding their hair (he had a good guess whose idea that was)… the boys were to be found over there at the football field, playing for fun as much for competition…

Toshinori frowned, taking another look. He could make out everyone – which was a surprise, really, who knew that Shouto liked to play football - expect for one certain student.

His lips twitched up into a smile, experience telling him quickly where to look.

And sure enough, he found Izuku when he wandered along the outside of the dorm building.

The boy had chosen a spot perfect for watching everything and not be seen that easily himself. Comfortably sitting with his legs crossed, notebook on his lap and tongue poking out between his lips in concentration, Izuku was scribbling something into the notebook, looking up from time to time to watch his classmates enjoy their free afternoon with a fond look.

Toshinori didn't even have to announce himself, since Izuku seemed to have heard him already, the scratching of the pen slowing and then stopping entirely as the boy looked up.

Where the former hero had expected at least a bit of surprise at the sight of his fancy new hairstyle, Izuku's lips just twitched slightly, green eyes glittering with amusement.

That probably meant… the boy had already known.

"You're not surprised about my new styling," Toshinori accused good-naturedly as he came closer to sit beside him, placing the water bottle on the ground. While doing so, he got a glimpse of the notebook's page Izuku had been doodling into. Familiar angular, haggard features and shadowed eyes framed by long bangs left and right…

Before he could see more, the notebook was slapped shut hastily. Izuku flashed him a grin, looking only slightly guilty as he remarked, "Not really. Mina and Tooru mentioned something about, uh, making you look even more handsome?"

"Even more… _ha!_ " Toshinori actually snorted out a laugh at that, even though warmth flooded him. Those girls…

"You like it," Izuku's gaze was soft and knowing, grin bright. He looked far too pleased by his observation.

"Well, of course," jokingly, Toshinori turned his head left and right to show off a bit, "I think the flowery design is exactly my thing."

He grinned, pleased, when Izuku laughed aloud at him and shook his head over his silliness.

The loud chattering coming from the football game made them both look up, watching silently but fondly for a moment as the game waged back and forth.

"It surprises me that you didn't join your friends, my boy," Toshinori said after a moment. He had half-expected for Izuku to use the chance to test out his new Shoot Style in the game.

As if reading his thoughts, Izuku shrugged, scratching the back of his head. "I would have, I mean, it's fun and a good practice and all… but I found out that when I take a step back and watch from further away, I can… appreciate such lazy afternoons with everyone more? I don't know how to really explain it."

Sitting down next to the boy, Toshinori tried to get another glimpse at what his protégé had been drawing, but the notebook stayed firmly closed and trapped in Izuku's hands. Not now, then. Instead, he settled for an answer, "I actually understand where you're coming from, my boy."

"Yes?"

"Of course. You have always been someone who is good at observing and wants to see the greater picture. It's no surprise to find you more at the sides, watching over the others."

Much to his amusement, the underlying praise made Izuku draw his head between his shoulders, muttering something about "it being not that special" and "it's just me being weird".

Chuckling, Toshinori ruffled the boy's hair, knowing that the gesture always reassured Izuku. Really now, his protégé needed to learn to accept praise. He was going to hear a lot more of that in the future.

A shout and loud cheering from the makeshift football field drew their attention over to the game. Judging from the way Kirishima and Kaminari were jumping around in glee and Bakugou was smirking visibly, it seemed like one team had just scored a point.

Izuku chuckled at his friend's antics, attention captured by their happiness.

That was the opportunity the former hero had been waiting for. Using Izuku's short distraction to his advantage, Toshinori snatched the notebook out of the boy's grip swiftly, retreating back before he could be caught.

Not caring for the yelp and the hasty movement next to him, he turned to the page his student had so sneakily tried to hide from him, and studied it with real interest. He had gotten a glimpse of it and had already guessed that the boy had been drawing him, but especially interesting was the…

"A whole _flower crown?_ " Toshinori remarked, quite impressed with the fine details Izuku had managed to draw there. It was almost like looking at a reflection, apart from the flowery trinket his picture was wearing. "You're going to give Mina and Tooru some inspiration with that, my boy!"

"They are not supposed to see that," Izuku attempted to lean over his mentor's arm that held him off, trying and failing to steal his notebook back. "Neither were you, for that matter!"

"Now, now, that would have been a shame," easily holding the notebook out of Izuku's range – blessed be his longer arms – Toshinori scrutinized the picture again. "I rather like the idea."

Instantly, Izuku stopped flailing next to him, staring instead. "You do?"

"My boy, I'm sitting here with my hair full of flowers. What exactly makes you think that I _wouldn't_ like a flower crown?"

"Oh. That's a good point."

Toshinori gave him his best _Told you so_ -look while handing the notebook back, that one look he learned from Gran Torino himself, all those years ago. Judging from the way Izuku's eyes lit up with surprise and amusement, the boy remembered that look, too.

It only took a few more seconds looking at each other, before they snorted and then dissolved into loud laughter, almost doubling over.

Wheezing, Toshinori tried to catch his breath again, rubbing at his sore side all the while. That had stretched his scar more than he had anticipated. "Owowow, remind me not to do that again."

"The look or the laughing?" Izuku shot back, still grinning, causing his mentor to bellow out another hoarse laugh.

"Both, for that matter! Yeesh," still snorting, the blond leaned back, resting against the wall behind them. "Didn't know I could still pull that expression off, to be honest."

Izuku settled next to him, chuckling. "The similarity was really startling."

"Huh. Not as good as your All Might-impression, I dare believe."

"I practiced that one in front of a minor for years," Izuku confessed in a mumble, yelping when Toshinori laughed again and shoved him slightly in the shoulder. "Hey!"

"Don't hey me, you devoted fanboy."

"Don't shove me, then."

They shared a look, trying to be stern about it, but couldn't help but grin when their gazes met.

Their conversation trailed off after that, silence settling between them. It didn't feel awkward, or as if one of them was at a loss for words. More like that words weren't needed.

Toshinori could almost feel himself starting to hum in contentment as he sat there, enjoying the warm, sunny day, the laughter and chatter waving through the air, the sight of his students goofing around on the lawn and the feeling of Izuku leaning against his side slightly.

After a while, he could feel a gaze drill into his temple, and didn't fight the smile that threatened to show on his face. "What is it now, my boy?"

"Nothing!" Izuku's little, secret smile fell, and he hurried to look into another direction, blushing slightly.

Arching an eyebrow at the silly boy, Toshinori sighed quietly – still smiling, though – and reached up to pick one of the flowers out of his hair. He tucked the daisy behind Izuku's ear before letting go again, rumbling, "Relax, Izuku."

Izuku frowned, reaching up to see what had been put into his hair. Upon his discovery and understanding that his teacher was trying to cheer him up, he all but rolled his eyes, saluting cheekily, "Yes Da-…ah…I mean… Toshinori-san!"

The near-slip up made something in Toshinori constrict violently, a jolt going through him as he fought the urge to split blood in his utter surprise. All that kept him from doing so was the look on Izuku's face - a mixture of surprise, panic and utter embarrassment.

 _Can't react shocked,_ it flitted through his mind at high-speed. _That would make him feel worse._

So he did the next best thing.

Out of pure reflex, Toshinori swung one arm up and around Izuku's shoulders, just in time before the boy could bolt and flee. Squeezing slightly, the former hero pulled Izuku back against his side, trying to be unfazed by how rigid the smaller body had went.

There were no words left in his mind, he was drawing blank in the heady mixture of surprise, shock and… joy, pure joy.

Then again, Toshinori never had thought that he was all that great with words. He communicated more through actions.

Rubbing the tense arm under his palm slightly, Toshinori tried to put the boy at ease. Not pulling back, yet not pressuring him, either.

It seemed to take an eternity before Izuku's breathing went back to normal and at least some of the tension in him eased up. Slowly, carefully, the boy rested his head back against Toshinori's shoulder, staying there.

"Sorry," Izuku whispered finally, word not louder than a breath.

"Nothing to be sorry for, my boy," Toshinori assured him, squeezing gently. "Nothing at all."

They probably should talk about this, his mind supplied for him, they couldn't just leave it hanging in the air between them like that. The possibility… the mere idea of Izuku thinking of him in such a way made things… different. Better? More difficult? He couldn't tell, couldn't decide with all the thoughts racing through his mind right now, so different would have to do for now.

But Toshinori found that he couldn't just… He couldn't say _No_. Rubbing his leg, feeling as if old, invisible letters were still noticeable and edged into his skin, he found that deep down, he couldn't deny Izuku this, even if he probably should.

 _He didn't want to._

Grip tightening ever so slightly, he whispered, "It's okay, Izuku. I promise you, you did nothing wrong."

Izuku's breath stuttered for a second, sounding suspiciously as if he was fighting tears, before the boy turned ever so slightly and pressed his face against Toshinori's shoulder, hiding his still beet-red face his mentor's shirt.

It almost broke Toshinori's heart, seeing the boy freak out like this over a little misstep, and he lifted his free hand up to pull the boy closer, resting his chin on the mop of green hair. "Izuku, I swear to you, it's _okay_."

Another shuddery breath and then, the tiniest of nods, only noticed because the hero could feel it against his shoulder. "Okay…"

The silence that followed was no longer comfortable and peaceful, but tense and full of lingering insecurity. Part of Toshinori wanted to make a joke to ease the mood, but felt as if it would make Izuku think that he didn't take him serious at all. Starting a conversation about being called Dad by his student, though, was… pretty awkward and probably not the best way to start off.

It was Izuku who spoke first, after a few awkward minutes in silence. "So, uh… about that flower crown?"

Back to safe territory, then. Fine. That was something he could deal with, Toshinori decided, frankly relieved. "What about it?"

"You think Mina and Tooru would make more than just one?"

"I think they would be delighted by the mere mention of that possibility. Do you want to see more people with flowers in their hair, then?"

"Well… I thought Kirishima-kun would enjoy it. He's up to fun like that. And, Uraraka-san, too? And probably the other girls. Perhaps Kouda-kun."

Izuku was rambling in his still apparent nervousness, and they both knew it. But if changing the subject helped, Toshinori would join willingly. "And you, too, my boy."

"Um…" Izuku trailed off, frowning slightly. "I didn't think about myself, honestly."

"Well, you should. After all, the prince of the idiot kingdom needs a crown, wouldn't you agree?"

There was a short pause as Izuku processed that. Then, within the blink of an eye, the boy pulled back enough that he could poke his mentor in the side, right in one of the many ticklish spots the man had.

Toshinori straight out yelped, the sound caught somewhere between a swallowed laugh and surprise, and all but jumped in spot. Spluttering, he batted Izuku's hands away as they were already aiming for his weak spots again. "Don't you dare…!"

"That was your own fault, "Izuku declared, snorting as he let up.

"Perhaps it was," he agreed, still mindful of the swift hands too close to his sensitive side. "But no more tickling."

"No more teasing in return?"

"Deal."

"Alright."

Huffing, Toshinori pulled Izuku back against him until the boy was comfortable leaning against him. This time, Izuku followed easily, no longer rigid and anxious, and settled against his mentor with a relieved breath. He even started smiling crookedly when Toshinori gingerly carded one hand through the wild green hair.

Relief flooded Toshinori, and he laughed quietly at his silly old self. He felt like he had just warded of a catastrophe, even if it was something so little.

Then Izuku shifted against him, eyes falling closed as if the boy was falling asleep on him any moment, and the feeling of a warm, trusting, accepting _someone_ (breathing, moving, and so, so _alive_ ) next to him made Toshinori briefly wonder if this really was only something little.

It had been years since he had felt so torn, with sweaty palms and his gut feeling no help at all and then he had been a teenager clinging to a dream and a flower and a damned crumbled _note_ he had not be brave enough to deliver and… this time, it was different.

This time, he was not the one being rejected unknowingly … he was the one _receiving_.

And, looking down at Izuku whose breathing had slowed and whose hand was still gripping tightly onto him as if the boy feared he would leave him, Toshinori decided somewhere deep down that this time would go differently than the last.

No more rejections.

Leaning down, hesitating no longer, Toshinori buried his face in the mop of green hair, soaking up as much warmth as he was trying to give.

By the way the last bit of tension melted from Izuku's frame and the boy's free arm came up to hug him tightly, Toshinori figured that Izuku had gotten the silent message.

Later, they would get up and go look for Mina and Tooru. This flower crown-idea needed to be tested, after all.

But that was for later. Right now, they were utterly content enjoying each other's company.

They didn't talk about it, not until much, much later, but somehow, even right then and there both of them felt as if they had found something they had long since been looking for.


End file.
